Dating Is Scary

This post is a little different for blogmas but I just wanted to share my advice on dating! I recently jumped back into the dating world (I say recently, a few weeks ago..) but I’ve really enjoyed it.

This year I had a break up and I honestly thought it was the end of the world, spoiler.. lol no it wasn’t.  However, the thought of dating again terrified me for a few months. I was certain that all guys are the same and that they would all break my heart and I quickly learnt that they are. In fact, there are some really genuine guys out there.

What I’ve realised though is that I had no intention of rushing into dating again. So when I started thinking of whether I was actually ready, I waited it out another few weeks just to be really sure. The real reason for this though was to really make sure that I completely experienced being totally alone so I knew completely that I wasn’t just going back into dating because I’m lonely or needing to rely on someone else to feel stronger.

What helped me realise that I was ready to date in the first place was a rebound. It sounds ridiculous and slutty but it helps. I don’t mean just have sex with a random guy, I mean by all means go ahead but for me, I had sex with a friend and it really helped to improve my self esteem. It might sound so crazy that my self esteem got boosted from having sex but it really did. It made me feel good, his affection made me feel appreciated and beautiful again.

So, when did I decide that I was ready to jump back on the bandwagon and date again? At around 3 months post break up, I truly knew that I was completely ready. I first experienced the feelings at around 2 months post break up. I knew full well that I wasn’t completely over the break up and I was still feeling fragile so I didn’t want to go into the dating life still feeling vulnerable. I also especially didn’t want to date someone and not end up feeling the same as the guy may. It wouldn’t be nice for him nor I and it would just result in a series of bad dating. I had offers from guys and I had said no because of these reasons, although one of those guys did his fair share of grafting with me and asked me a second time, I did eventually say yes.

To be totally honest, I don’t think anybody is ever really ready to start dating after having a serious relationship. I think there is a point where you just have to throw yourself back at it because if you don’t, before you know it you’ll be single a year and a half later not knowing how to flirt and socialise with guys. Still thinking that you’ll be alone forever and considering which type of cat or dog to get.

As interesting as that sounds, do you really want to be that person? I know I don’t. I want to experience the thrill and fun of a new relationship, those butterflies you get when he calls you beautiful or when you see him for the first time after a few days. Those firsts, the first kiss, first holiday, first time you tell them you love them.

So honestly, if you’re in the same position, my biggest and best advice is to just go for it. Talk to that guy in the club, download tinder, tell them you like them. The worst thing that can happen is that you get let down, he says no, the relationship didn’t work. You’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince but I can assure you, you’ll find them. You won’t be alone forever and you are worthy of love.

Twitter: @bethdaviesblog

Instagram: @_bbbbethan

With love, Beth x

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Battling Your Insecurities in a New Relationship

Insecurities are something everyone has, they’re so natural to experience and often leave people with a lot of anxiety and stressful thoughts. I know this as I experience them so often, however, I recently experience them more now I’ve started dating someone new.

For some this is the exciting part, they love to meet someone new and really find out who they are. For me, I’d rather just skip to the point where I’m completely settled, comfortable and know them and until that happens, my insecurities will be on fire. From the moment I knew I had feelings for him I had instant insecurities. Does he like me back? Why would he like me? I know he can do better. Apparently these were my favourite thoughts right up until our first date. Before that though, I had already turned down the offer of a date because I was so nervous. After constant thought about this, I definitely regretted it and was over the moon that he asked again (he must have the patience of a god).

With that in mind, I realised quickly that if I let my insecurities more important than how I really felt for him then the relationship wouldn’t happen. I recognised that I needed to do something and fight my insecurities, so these are my thoughts on fighting your insecurities at the beginning of a new relationship.

Say yes to the dateOnce I realised I had said yes to going out on a date I worried for days about whether I could hold a conversation, what if we went on the date and we had absolutely nothing in common and nothing to talk about. Then we would have to sit through our food totally ignoring the fact that it was the worst first date ever (this wasn’t my only concern obviously). Luckily this didn’t happen and we had such a lovely first date and I’ve not regretted it since.

Stop concentrating on previous relationships It’s so easy to compare your previous partners to your new one. It’s not nice to do so but it’s your mind’s way of making sure you don’t experience anything that you have previously. For me I was so afraid of having to change and be someone different. I was afraid of being with him and he wouldn’t accept my anxiety and mental health problems and I was scared it would just chase him away. So I just told him straight out that I do struggle with panic attacks and mental health and instead of thinking the worst of me, he was totally supportive. My point is, you have to just see what they’re like before knocking them.

Appearance isn’t everything Try not to spend all your time concentrating on your makeup, hair and outfit. Just do what feels natural and comfortable to you. I guarantee they aren’t that bothered whether you’re wearing a dress or jeans, heels or flats. I know I still do it but I like to make so much effort when I’m going to see him so he doesn’t think I’m a total troll. when I realised that I was still doing this I started toning it down a bit by wearing less or no makeup at all. Hanging out in my comfiest leggings and oversized t-shirts whilst having lazy sofa days. By doing this I learned that he actually doesn’t mind what I look like and it’s helped me to feel so much more relaxed.

Take it slow We all have this feeling of rushing, wanting to be the best, wanting to just get to a point. Embrace the new relationship, the first kiss, first trip, the first anything. Enjoy spending time together and learning more about each other. It’s okay to just enjoy each other’s company. With this relationship I’ve promised that I’m going to take it as slow as possible, I see no reason to rush what we have and I’m enjoying just seeing where things go. We all worry about the future but it’s okay to just enjoy being with each other in the present time.

Enjoy the firsts The thought of the firsts really gives me anxiety and it still does. The first of anything you do together it so scary regardless of what it is. So many of us try to prevent doing the firsts through fear but I’ve learned that it’s okay to be excited about them. The first kiss is supposed to be magical and I was so apprehensive about it but it was even worse for me. I had to experience it twice! Our first kiss, I was drunk, like totally out of my face drunk. I can barely even remember it but I do remember how happy it had made me. I guess I’m lucky enough to have gotten to experience it for a second time whilst sober. Right at that moment I realised that I just wanted to enjoy all of our first moments together and now I look forward to them.

Talk to them If you really do have a specific insecurity that is just eating you up inside, just talk to them. You have to start communicating and opening up at some point so why not start with something that really bothers you. Talking helps any couple from and develop the comfortable feelings and gain trust. You have to start at some point and I think talking about your insecurities is something that you’ll bond over because it’s probably likely that they too are feeling the same!

Distance is ok Over these past few months I’ve learned that I quite enjoy being around such a variety of people as well as still have alone time. You don’t have to speak all the time, you don’t have to see each other every day, you don’t have to just be with them on nights out. Distance means you won’t become too reliant on that person and you can still live your life the way you want. Except for a few nights a week or whenever you want, you get to really enjoy the time with them and look forward to it. I know that it’s easy to get comfortable in relationships and forget that you have other friends and other hobbies that you enjoy. Fortunately for us, we have he same friends and we do go on nights out together. But I love nothing more than dancing like idiots with my friends as well as him, I couldn’t imagine being one of those girlfriends who only wants to be with their boyfriend. I like him but I need my own time. It’s so easy to let your insecurities overwhelm you, it’s also easy to totally ignore them and eventually they build up.

These tips might not work for everyone but I know they they work for me. If I’m feeling happy in myself then I know I’ll feel happier with him. Twitter: @bethdaviesblog Instagram: @_bbbbethan With love, Beth x