Fighting Those Post Break-Up Feelings

At 21 years old I’ve officially experienced my first heart break and let me tell you, it’s shit. The hardest thing I have ever had to do is walk away from someone whilst still loving them, it’s the worst feeling in the world but now I know that it was the right decision for both of us. It just wasn’t supposed to be and that’s for a number of reasons but I don’t regret a single moment I spent with him. I learned so much about who I am whilst in a relationship and now that I’m single and that’s OK and for now I get to be selfish and live my life a quarter mile at a time doing exactly what I want to do. 

However, I knew exactly how it feels to fight those post breakup feelings of anxiety, grief and anger. It’s actually so sad, my friend told me to treat it like a death rather than a break-up and it was probably the best bit of advice I had been given. Whether you’ve just broken up or you’re a few months down the line it can still be challenging but there are things to do to make the process easier. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a break-up expert by no means. In fact I was and often continue to be a total mess, you aren’t alone in that one. I took gradual steps after my break-up to process and grieve my loss and it took a while but eventually I figured myself out. 

Step 1: Change your relationship status, remove the photos, give back their things. Leaving these things around will only make the process harder, believe me I know. Once you do it you feel so much better, like weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Having a clear out also just makes you feel more refreshed, think of it as changing the your summer clothes to your winter clothes. Out with the old and in with the new. 

Step 2: Take it slow. Stop rushing things, you wont wake up the next day and feel wonderful. It does take time, so give yourself time to process the situation. I don’t mean spend all day, every day dwelling on what could have been and feeling sad about it. I mean give yourself a few minutes to think about it, get up, shake it off and distract yourself. It’s okay to think about it and be sad but you need to do other things to do slowly adjust. I read all 7 Harry Potter books (best decision I ever made), got a summer job to distract myself and started eating healthy and exercising.

Step 3: Put yourself first. Was there something you wanted to do before you broke up that you wouldn’t have done whilst you were together? Now is your opportunity to do it. I’ve focused my time to lose weight and, study my masters degree, work and make new friends. I’m eating healthier and less, the weight is slowly coming off me and it’s increasing my self-esteem massively, I feel so much better every single time I see those numbers on the scale fall. I continue to embrace my new life as a masters student, occasionally go off plan through drinking wine or eating a little unhealthy whilst I make new friends and learn how to juggle my life.

Step 4: Go out, be sociable and meet new people. You have to get yourself back out there and especially into the world of dating (that dreaded world). My friends told me that you have to kiss a lot of frogs for you find your prince, so you go kiss those frogs (when you’re good and ready of course). Being sociable will really help to keep your mind off things and along the way you may find yourself with a new partner but most importantly, new friends and founding confidence. 

Step 5: Learn to accept the change, embrace your new founding freedom and remember that you probably weren’t the reason for the break-up and things don’t always pan out the way you planned things. Your dream wedding with the guy of your dreams will happen, just not at this moment. Yeah it’s shit because you planned your baby names, what dog you wanted and the type of house you wanted to live in. Those things will come, just with someone else eventually. You’re still worthy of love and attention, don’t you forget that. 

Remember, your break-up doesn’t define who you are. You can be anybody you want to be, so go out and be her/him. You now have the chance to do more of what makes you happy with the privileged of not worrying about someone else. 

Twitter @bethdaviesblog

Instagram @_bbbbethan 

With love, Beth x 

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Being Alone Is Ok

Some people, like myself, become so used to being around a lot of people all the time. Especially within a relationship, it becomes the norm to have someone to rely on and talk too whenever you need them. It’s almost natural to have the support and attention from the same person. However, when you lose that person or people it can become so hard to adjust. 

The first week you may find that you’re totally lost with no way of understanding how you’re going to cope. Eventually by the 3rd week it becomes something you’re adjusting too but naturally, sometimes you think about it and it makes you nervous. Your hands sweat, it gives you anxiety and the constant worry of not knowing who is going to look out for you when times get tough. By week 5 you might start to enjoy it again, you’re going out more, meeting and talking to new people and you’re not feeling so anxious about doing things by yourself. By week 10, you’ve adjusted so well that you don’t need nobody and you love nothing more than falling asleep at night peacefully because your life is so simple now.

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not defined by another person.” – Oscar Wilde.

 You’re an independent person with a whole life ahead of you. Your past may be behind you but your achievements and accomplishments are something you should embrace. Yeah, that one person may have given you help through that time, but you came trough? Just because they helped you doesn’t mean that they achieved it. You did. For me, although I had a lot of help to overcome my anxiety and panic attacks, he didn’t actually achieve anything, I did. I came through and learned to control them. I got myself a degree but with a little help from my friends. I worked hard to make sure I maintained being independent. 

Although, like I said, when you spend so much time with one individual it can be hard to come through and be alone at the end. Just remember, being alone isn’t a bad thing. It’s valuable time to learn more about yourself and what you deserve, want and need in your life. Its time to learn a new skill, pick up a new hobby, change your hair colour or start a new adventure. Everything you now do is something that you want to do. 

Think about it, being alone is actually strong. It shows people that you aren’t afraid of living your own life and making your own decisions. You can be whoever you want to be right now, you decide who that is. 

Be whoever you want to be. 

Twitter: @_bbbethan

Instagram: @_bbbbethan 

With love, Beth x 

8 Dissertation Survival Tips

At the beginning of my degree, I was told that my time in university would go faster than I had expected or wanted and I thought they were wrong. However, they were not wrong and the past 3 years flew by and my dissertation came and went but it was the most stressful experience ever. It’s not the most fun experience I have ever had but I definitely discovered a few things to make the time more bearable. So, here are ___ ways to survive your dissertation. 

#1: Take 1 or 2 days off a week from your dissertation. You’re allowed a break and it’ll help you to refresh and prepare yourself for more work and research. 

#2: Dieting isn’t going to happen whilst writing your dissertation and if you’re able to, I want to give you a medal because I couldn’t do it at all. I found having snacks near me helped me to stay more motivated and the more words I would write the more snacks I deserved. 

#3: Sleep is important and I will constantly say this regardless of the activity. You’re going to get stressed and it’ll be exhausting, with that you’ll need a decent night’s sleep and a casual nap. 

#4: Don’t ever forget to shower. 

#5: Changing locations from your usual place may help you to think differently when it comes to writing. Often I wrote mine in my bedroom but I loved going to the library as I found myself more motivated and I wrote differently. 

#6: Do something to help you relax, whether it’s to read a book, watch a film or hang out with your friends. You need to be doing different things other than writing your dissertation all the time. 

#7: Create a timetable. You’re going to have other assignments to write alongside your dissertation, I found it was the best way to organise myself. I liked to plan for a month and would give myself time to dedicate days to other assignments and other things which were not education-related. 

#8: Starting writing early!! I began my dissertation during the summer because I had a lot of free time and I was able to dedicate my time to my literature review and methodology. By the time you go back to university you’ll be well on track and you’ll be able to dedicate more time to making your changes and beginning your research. 

I wish you all the best of luck for your upcoming dissertation and I want to remind you that you’ll be incredibly thankful for when it’s complete. 

Social media: 

Twitter: _bbbethan 

Instagram: _bbbbethan 

With love, Beth x 

Summer Playlist!

A few songs from my 2017 summer playlist.. enjoy!

_________

Chainsmokers & Coldplay – Something Just Like This 

Ed Sheeran – Galway Girl 

The Vamps – All Night 

Niall Horan – Slow Hands 

Charli XCX – Dreamer 

Lorde – Green Light 

Josh Turner – Your Man 

Florida Georgia Line – Cruise 

Una Healy – Stay My Love 

_________

Twitter: _bbbethan 

Instagram: _bbbbethan 

With love, Beth x

My Weight Loss Diary

Since the end of July it’s been my mission to lose weight. This is definitely attempt number 1 million but this time I’ve never been more motivated to actually give it a go. Two years ago I lost 2 stone during the summer and felt amazing, then got into a relationship and gained it all back and more. Now I’m single again, the mission to lose weight is so much easier and definitely less daunting. 

I’m not following any diets at all, not slimming world, weight watchers or any fad diets. I’m just going with what I feel comfortable with and it seems to be working quite effectively. Truthfully, I’m so proud of myself for how well I’ve done in such a short space of time. My weight loss has definitely been a large contributor to how my mental health is doing and it just continues to motivate me to be and do better. 

So, how have I been doing? 

I lost 1 stone within the first month. I definitely think this is mainly because I’m just generally eating better. I eat a fruit and vegetables every single day with every meal. I drink plenty of water but occasionally I still treat myself. During the first month I had 1 bad day in total and I ate everything in sight and then I nipped it in the bud and had a fresh start the next day. It didn’t help that I was going away for the day and making healthy choices wasn’t the easiest option.

I don’t want to lose loads of weight, maybe 2.5 or 3 stone (30-40 pounds) just so I feel comfortable in my own skin. I’ve never ever been skinny and I don’t want to lose the curvy figure that I have. 

Honestly the best way for me to lose weight was to find motivation, something to aim for. Perhaps you have a holiday, a wedding or a birthday. In my case,  I just want to feel comfortable again. After a breakup feeling unhappy with your life and yourself is natural, so in order for me to get over the breakup I started focusing on myself for the first time in forever and I’ve loved every minute of it. 

Losing weight is hard, after the first stone I lose I found that I’m not losing the weight as fast as I was used too. However, a pound or two a week is actually more than you can imagine. They build up and eventually your weight is dropping, your clothes don’t fit, you can run up the stairs without feeling like you’re going to pass out. Not only that, you become happier, more comfortable and most importantly, confident. You feel like you can rule the world and you definitely can. 

Weight loss is different for everybody. We all have different body types, different motabolisms and it’s difficult to say that the way I’ve lost weight is the same way that you will. Whatever way you’re losing weight just do it the way that works for you. There’s no right or wrong as long as you’re doing it in a healthy way. 

Below is a food diary for myself for one day, feel free to follow it.  

Breakfast: 2 weetabix/honey whole grain cheerios and fruit or 1 wholemeal toast and scrambled egg with fruit. 

Lunch: Jacket potato, salad and chicken/tuna, with a small amount of salad cream 30% fat free. 

Dinner: Spaghetti bolognase or chicken curry. 

Snacks: Alpen light bars or fruit. 

If I’m finding myself craving sugar, beef space raiders or a freddo are my go too. 

I do drink Diet Coke but I’m often found with an apple and raspberry sparkling water and I like to drink a lot throughout the day. Often if you feel hungry it’s normally because you’re thirsty, so for smaller portion sizes drink a glass of water before your meal and before your snack to make sure you know what you’re feeling. 

Honestly though, during weight loss you’re going to have those days when you want to give up and eat 3 Big Macs, a pizza, the whole willy wonka factory and a house. Some days you just need it and once I’m a while I eat something that’s out of plan. It helps with weight loss as your body will become used to the healthy foods and it’ll adjust and your weight loss will be slower. So once/twice a week make those choices on what you want to treat yourself with. I like chocolate and crisps, although now instead of a kit kat and a bag of Doritos I’ll eat a freddo and a packet of space raiders. They’re lower in calories, smaller portions and I find them satisfying enough to keep me going. 

It’s so important to mix my meals up, I don’t want to be eating the same things over and over again because well that’s boring. So instead of a jacket potato, I might have a chicken salad wrap. The wrap would be my carbs for the day. If I have bread or cereal I won’t have anything else and I never have both bread and cereal together. I also do the same for diary so if I have milk, I don’t have cheese. 

I also love a cheat meal at least once a week. I’m entitled to it and I know lots of people have cheat meals through their diet. It’s alright to do this but remember to get back on your diet straight after. It’s a cheat meal, that doesn’t mean you should fall back into your old ways.

I’ve found having motivation or a purpose to lose weight really helps. Mine has been for several reasons but really it’s for myself, I want to feel comfortable in my skin. 

I’m over 1 stone gone and I can’t wait to see what else I can achieve by January 2018. 

Next step: exercise more. 

Twitter: @bethdaviesblog

Instagram: @_bbbbethan 

With love, Beth x 

Musicals I Want To SeeĀ 

I’m a musical fan but I’ve only ever seen We Will Rock you in London. There are so many incredible shows touring the UK and I feel like I’m missing out. I love musicals, I love everything about them and I’ve loved 21 years on this earth having only seen one show. I have so many I want to see so I thought I’d let you know!

Wicked

Matilda

Les Miserables

Grease

Footloose

Billy Elliott

These are the shows that I especially want to see out of all the incredible productions that are available. Have you seen any? Tell me what they’re like!

Twitter: _bbbethan

Instagram: _bbbbethan

With love, Beth x

What I Learned As An UndergraduateĀ 

I’m heading into my 4th year of student life and through that time I’ve managed to learn a lot, both academically and personally. To be totally honest with you, university is a massive learning experience through which you will learn so much about who you are, who you want to be and what you want in your life. 

As much as I loved uni life now I’m going to a different university I realised I learned so much from my experience that helped me realise what I need in my life. With that I would share some of the things that I learned during my university experience and things that my benefit you. 

1. Make more friends than just your flatmates. Whether you join a sport or society or even mingle with your course mates, these are ways for you to maintain solid friendships with your flatmates and also not feel too suffocated when you spend all your time with the same people. 

2. With that in mind, keep your closest friends small. Having lots of friends is fantastic but you can’t please all these people all the time. If your circle is too big you’ll find that everybody knows your business and life becomes challenging. 

3. I motto is, don’t shit where you eat. In other words, don’t sleep with your flatmates or get into a relationship ship with them. It makes things incredibly awkward for everybody if things go bad and you have to spend the whole year in an uncomfortable silence whenever he enters the room. 

4. Along with that, don’t get into a relationship or sleep with someone in your friendship group. Through my own experience I’ve reaised that eventually one of you will be pushed out and forgotten, some may say replaced when either of you get into a new relationship. It’s tough for everybody and especially if you were originally the outsider it’s even more tough when you have to leave a group of friends that you enjoy. 

5. Joining a sport or society will help you make more friends but also help you see what you like and dislike. So you tried archery but it wasn’t your thing but along with that, you went for a Social with tennis and they’re the greatest people ever and you love it. You probably found. new love for a sport you never knew you liked and it’s given you a chance to do something different. 

6. Don’t be a hoarder because at the end of the year when you’re packing your things up you’re going to have so much stuff that you don’t know what to do with it all. So a few times during the year have a good clear out of things that you aren’t using, wearing or needing. This was it’ll be easier for you to pack up at the end of the year. 

7. Your studies are so important. If you have an essay due but your friends are having a big night out, choose to do the essay and get it done without any fuss. Yes it’s crappy that you’re missing a night out you’re missing out on the drama but you’re likely to get a better grade, no hangover and you’re saving money. 

                     If you have any of your own tips for the newest freshers comment below!